Whatever our reasons are
whenever we reject, despise or deny our mother we are actually embarking for a
cold and tense journey.
“Usually adult males who are
unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate
with are frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the
loved one will abandon them. If the first woman they passionately loved, the
mother, was not true to her bond of love, then how can they trust that their
partner will be true to love. Often in their adult relationships these men act
out again and again to test their partner's love. While the rejected adolescent
boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mother's love because he is not
worthy, as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand
of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love. This testing
does not heal the wound of the past, it merely reenacts it, for ultimately the
woman will become weary of being tested and end the relationship, thus
reenacting the abandonment. This drama confirms for many men that they cannot
put their trust in love. They decide that it is better to put their faith in
being powerful, in being dominant.”
(Bell Hooks)
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